Untitled
by telegramsam
Summary: For the Red Dwarf Christmas fic exchange at Livejournal. Prompt was - "Which Rimmer is it in Back to Earth? Put your own theory into a fic, and include some Lister-Rimmer tension". For tawg.


_But time flows like a river… and history repeats._

**1.**

Please shut up.

"…you know Listy, if you just _tried_ to clean up once in a while…"

Why?

"…always such a smeggy little…"

_Why_ did we go back?

"…be a _little_ more organized…."

We were already _safe_**.** Everyone who _mattered,_ anyway.

"…try things my way once in a while, you might…"

Not this nanobot simulation, artificial substitute prancing around like it _belongs_, like it even has a right to _exist._

"…organizational skills! Plan your time ahead and…"

You're nothing but an obscene imitation of life. Kryten is more real than you are, more _human_ than you are. He was the one who decided to go back to save you, you know. Or do you? You never even asked, just went right on spouting smeggy insults and abuse at all of us, arsehole.

"…try getting some _real_ role models, not smeggy zero-gee footballers..."

Me, Kryten, Kochanski, and Cat, we were already _safe, _secure in the opposing universe. You weren't there. Kryten knew what had happened when we crossed over and didn't see you, that you had gone back. Screwed up again. Like you _always_ do.

"…do you have to do that here, disgusting!..."

You died anyway. Kryten reached through the divide and pulled you from the burning wreckage of the dying Red Dwarf, who knows why. Even tried to save you and heal your injuries. But I guess death caught up to you anyway. Again. Kryten's guilt is why you're back as a hologram, it wasn't _my_ idea.

"…I swear, sometimes I think you have the I.Q. of a deranged duck…."

Shut up. Please just shut up. It's bad enough I have to share space with you, I can't even touch you anymore. Can't reach out and make you just bloody _shut up._

"…are you even _listening_ you smegging…."

And on and on and on.... I've stopped listening now, as you rush about the room, pontificating in my direction as you go, your cracked skutter servant flitting about behind you like some kind of… well, as you put it, _deranged duck_.

You're not him. Please shut up.

We were almost past this, me and you. Not you. The _other_ you. The you I let go, because you needed to go find something better. You weren't supposed to come back. You _didn't_ come back. Something else came back instead. The universe's sick little joke on Dave Lister. Fate certainly knows how to screw a man. Just take away everything he cares about, but don't stop there… take everything away, then give something back, something back that's _broken._

"Rimmer, for the love of god, please just _shut the bloody hell up_!"

---

**2.**

I know you hate me.

"…shut it, gimboid…"

You're always telling me to shut up.

"…who asked for your smegging opinion…"

I will, if you just please stop looking at me like that, like it's somehow _my_ fault.

"…all this time and you're _still_ a complete smeghead…"

I know you hate me. Not that I'm surprised. Everyone else does.

"…you cowardly, neurotic piece of…."

I _try_ to be likeable, really I do! I'm always giving you valuable advice.

"…molecule mind…"

It's not my fault you're too stubborn to take heed.

"…smeg-for-brains…"

I know you hate me. It's not my fault Kochanski left you.

"…dirty, filthy, cheating..."

It certainly wasn't _my_ idea, so stop looking at me like that, like I just shot your favorite dog.

"…stupid goit, nobody wants you around anyway…"

I know you hate me. It's not my fault the crew got wiped out again.

"…so lame you have to organize your own surprise birthday parties…"

How the bloody hell was I supposed to know that positive viruses would react negatively in the bodies of those inhabiting this universe? I just wanted a bit of luck, for once in my life.

"…drive a mack truck through those nostrils…"

I sure as bloody hell didn't _mean_ to get everyone else onboard terminally ill. I _said_ I was sorry, apologized and everything! Why do you keep looking at me like that?

"…reason they called you 'Bonehead' ya know…"

I know you hate me. It's not my fault. You never want to talk about it, but I know why you hate me, why you keep looking at me like that.

"….backstabbing, weaselly smegging useless…"

The insults keep coming, for everything I do, or when I do nothing. But it's not me you're mad at, is it? It's not me you want something from. It's _him,_ isn't it? It's _him_ you want, not me. I know it. You won't talk about it, but I can see it, when you look at me. Such naked disgust in your eyes. It's not my fault he left, for once in my life it _truly_ is _not my fault_. I wasn't the one who told him to go. I never met him, this other "me" you refuse to speak of, that Kryten only mentions, then shuts down, embarrassed, like he'd just spoken of something obscene. This fake _hologram _of me you developed an unhealthy attachment to over the years.

I guess I'm the fake hologram now. It's not my fault though, so _please_ stop looking at me like that.

Do you think I wanted things to turn out this way? If I thought I could go out and _find _this bloody "Ace" of yours, don't you think I would? I would do it, too. It would shut _you_ up at least. Make you stop looking at me like that, like I've committed some awful unforgivable sin against you. Why do you think I keep talking to you, even though you tell me to shut up? To get some kind of reaction out of you that isn't _that look. _I can't take that look anymore. I'm plenty accustomed to being hated, but I'm used to being hated for things I've actually done or left undone. But not this, this thing I do not even know the truth of. Never like this.

**3.**

"Lister, stop giving me that nasty look! I've been nothing but generous with you!"

"I said shut up, Rimmer! Just _shut up_."


End file.
